A Day to Complain

I really do try to be an optimist.  I have SO MANY blessings to be thankful for.  But ... I just need to vent my complaints today, and I hope you'll grant me the license to do that.

COMPLAINT #1:  Neupogen injections.
You already know I hate doing them, and it doesn't get any easier.

My $300 worth of Neupogen waiting to enter my flabby stomach

COMPLAINT #2:  Heartburn and acidy stomach.
Ever since cycle #3, my nausea has changed to heartburn and acid reflux.  I googled it to see if this was a common side effect of chemo.  Yep!!  Apparently, the lining of the stomach contains quickly-dividing cells -- exactly the kind of cells chemo is targeting.  Most common side effect:  heartburn, acid indigestion, and acid reflux.  Extra side effects from this side effect -- a constant metallic taste in my mouth which gives me really bad breath.  Sorry, those of you who are in close proximity :(

COMPLAINT #3:  Burping
Complaint #2 causes me to burp like a logger, 24-7.

COMPLAINT #4:  PARTIAL hair loss
How does a hair cell decide if it's going to let chemo kill it or not??  As you can see, I am not totally bald.  My guess is that this is all the hair I will lose.  Head hair - 4/5 gone; nose hair - 4/5 gone; leg hair - 1/2 gone; arm hair - 1/2 gone; eyebrows - hanging in there!  eyelashes - hanging in there!  Extra side effect:  I sniff constantly because I don't have nose hair to keep all the goodies inside.

My meager hair supply that's left.  I'd rather be bald!

COMPLAINT #5:  Head coverings are hot!
Every time I get home from a walk or a shopping trip, the first thing I do is rip off whatever is on my head. (I also tend to be fairly claustrophobic, so this might be part of my problem.  How will I deal with a wig??)

COMPLAINT #6:  Alligator skin
Every square inch of skin on my body is incredibly dry, dry, dry.  It seems that no amount of lotion helps.  I've actually started to use oil on my scalp to try to relieve the dry, itchy feeling.

COMPLAINT #7:  No energy
After cycle 1, my approximation would be that, after Day 4 or 5, my energy returned to about 95% of normal.  After cycle 2, 85%; after cycle 3, 75%.  I don't like the look of this trend!

COMPLAINT #8:  Fitness Level
I had worked SO HARD to get back into shape in the fall, it just breaks my heart that I have no stamina, and get out of breath climbing a set of stairs.  Oh, how I long to return to 6 a.m. workouts and riding my bike!  If you're able to do either of these things, please count your blessings!

COMPLAINT #9:  Pregnant stomach
Combine together the inability to work out adequately with feeling bloated and full of gas all day, every day -- the result is "pregnant stomach".  (Drat!! The one part of my body I always prided myself on -- a flat stomach.  "Pride goeth before a fall!")
Hidden Benefit of pregnant stomach - lots of good fat for subcutaneous injections :)

COMPLAINT #10:  Inflations
I've whined enough about this event  that I anticipate with horror delight :) :)  Inflation #4 comes on Monday...yay!!!

COMPLAINT #11:  Paying for parking at the Cancer Agency
Now, I know cancer patients aren't any more "special" than the average Joe, but ... it irks me that every time I pull in the parking lot, it costs me $1.50/hour.  Sometimes (as in the case of blood work) I'm there for 3 hours or more!  By the time this is said and done, I will be able to wallpaper a large room in my home with all the parking ticket stubs.

COMPLAINT #12:  Wig is Backordered
That's right!  After painstakingly choosing exactly the style and colour I wanted, it was backordered out of Toronto and would likely take over a month to arrive.  As a result, I went in and chose Plan B, which I'm hoping is waiting for me when I return to Victoria in a few days.

COMPLAINT #13:  CANCER IS A GREEDY THIEF!!

Cancer steals so many things FROM my life!!  But, I FEEL STRONG today, and I will declare, "CANCER WILL NOT STEAL MY LIFE!!  I WILL trust and NOT be afraid!"

I promise that tomorrow I will share some of the trillions of BLESSINGS I have in my life!!