A Necessary Evil

Today is chemo cycle #3.  It's one of those "I want it to come", "I dread that it's here", days.

Back in January, David was expecting to get called to Alberta to work any second.  He's a Project Manager, and works from contract to contract.  Last winter, he worked in northern Alberta for 3 months and, in November, had received a call to go back to work for the same company.  Of course, he didn't go then ... I was in the throws of diagnosis, waiting for surgery, etc. ... and he wanted desperately to be with me.  I'd have locked him in the nearest closet if he tried to leave!  David was keeping them abreast (no pun intended) of my situation, and would notify them as soon as he was able to come.  Once I knew what treatment would look like, we both felt I could handle him leaving.  He sat on pins and needles, waiting for the call to come, and waiting ...

Meanwhile, it was time for oncologist consultations and to get on with chemo.  Ideally, treatment needs to start within 2 months of surgery, so my chemotherapy should get started on or before February 7th.  Since we anticipated that David would be gone from Ashcroft, I needed to make a decision about starting treatment in Kamloops (one hour away) or travelling to Victoria where 2 of my 4 daughters live.  We weighed pros and cons for quite some time, and finally decided to ask to have treatment in Victoria.  That would free David up to leave on a moment's notice, and I would be well looked after by daughters.

This gorgeous sight is a 2-minute walk from Rachel & Stu's.

February 8th ... chemo cycle #1!!

Thankfully, Rachel didn't have to teach that Friday so, to help pass the time, we went for a leisurely walk, shopped, and had a delicious lunch out.  However, as 3 p.m. approached, I became more and more tense and nervous.  There were so many unknowns ... What would it "feel" like to have these poisons pumped into my veins?  How would my body react?  Would I be sick?  Would I sail through with no problems?  Would I have any energy or suffer the expected fatigue?

I don't do well with unknowns.  I'm a "sure thing" kind of gal.  I'm not the gambling type, and I felt like I was gambling with my body.  During my oncologist consultation, I was surprised when asked if I would consider chemo.  I guess there are actually people who opt against it.  My thinking was, if chemo can reduce the chance of reoccurrence by 30% (the stats I was given), OF COURSE I wanted it!  Two oncologists had reassured me that very few people actually get sick with chemo these days.  So many advances have been made with anti-nausea meds, that many people feel no nauseous side effects at all.

My Rock ... aka Kate ... came with me to the Cancer Agency.  I checked in and was shown to a large, horseshoe-shaped room capable of housing 15 chemo patients and their support people.  I settled into my chair, with Kate close at my side, and glanced around at my cohorts ... mostly older than me, but one young man who couldn't have been 25.  Cancer at any age is TRAGIC ... but, somehow, it seems triply tragic when someone in the vitality of youth is struck with this disease. Overwhelmed, tears immediately flowed down my cheeks, and I just couldn't stop them.

Cycle #1 ... once the tears stopped!

God sent me my big sister to be my nurse that day ... well, not literally, but the oncology nurse I had reminded both Kate and I SO MUCH of Maureen, that I felt like she was there with me in the room!  First thing, I took my two anti-nausea meds, had my port flushed, and waited to get started.  The first bright-red drug was in two large syringes that the nurse squished into a short line connected to my port.  Then, the second drug bag was hung on the IV pole, and would drip into my veins for 45 minutes -- relatively fast, I thought.  I was warned about experiencing hay fever symptoms from the second drug, but it didn't happen.

To help pass the time, a bubbly nursing student came and taught Kate and I how to give Neupogen injections -- something I would have to do on Days 3-10 every cycle to help build my white blood cells.  During a 3-week cycle, a body's white blood cell count will drop dangerously low (hence the susceptibility to infection) and then rebuild again before the next cycle.  Since I am on a 2-week cycle ("Dose Dense" because of my cancer's aggressive nature), my poor old body needs help to regrow white blood cells.  Once again, Kate was a rock star injection student ... I was hopeless :( :(

We packed up and left 1-1/2 hours later.  I felt fine ... nothing so far ... no nausea ... no vomiting ... hungry ... no side effects ... ... ... ... ... ...