Human Interaction is Exhausting!

I guess I've been AWOL for quite a few days ... my apologies!

It's been a crazy, crazy week.  Monday and Tuesday involved hours and hours of travel, driving to Victoria, packing Kate and Moya's possessions onto David's truck, and traveling back to Ashcroft via Enderby and Kamloops.

With only one day home, Wednesday, we hauled Kate's stuff into the house, did laundry, and I squeezed in one visit with my friend while watching her daughter play soccer.

Thursday morning we were on the road again, heading to Smithers.  Visiting Joy at her new job site south of Prince George was definitely the highlight for me!  It is soooooooooo important for a mom to be able to visualize where her child is living and working.  Then, another visit, this time at the home of David's cousin and husband in Prince George.  Back in the truck, we eventually got to Smithers about 9:30 p.m. -- what a long day!!

Joy and I at "Rosenal Performance Horses" -- her new employer.

It is frustrating for me when I don't have my usual amount of stamina.  That SHOULDN'T have been an exhausting day, but I was spent -- totally spent!!  Tossing and turning in a small, strange bed with too many lights shining in my eyes and unfamiliar noises from the hospital across the street, I became so disheartened that I just about gave up altogether on getting even one minute of sleep.

Somehow morning arrived, and planning visits began.  I previously lived in Smithers for almost 20 years, so any return trip is a juggling act of fitting in all the visiting pieces just like a giant jigsaw puzzle.  First, it was time to catch up with our hostess, Anne, a long-time friend, teaching colleague, and next-door neighbour.  Anne should write a book entitled, "How to be the World's Most Welcoming, Gracious, Accommodating, Wait-on-you-hand-and-foot Hostess".  She's amazing!!  Next was an exhilarating walk/talk/visit with long-long-time friend, Judy.  I did pretty good keeping up with her on the walk -- truth be known, she was probably at a "turtle pace" for her, but it was a "rabbit pace" for me.  Then, more visiting over a cup of java at Tim Horton's.

Saturday was filled with more breakfasts, lunches, suppers, and coffees where I told my story, caught friends up with treatment, how I'm feeling, future treatments, etc.  THE MOST DIFFICULT visits for me were the ones with a friend and a family member who have simply NOT been there for me.  I was mentally prepared to "be honest with kindness", but, in both cases, I was NOT near as honest as I needed to be.

Maybe it's all just water under the bridge, and I should forget about it and learn a lesson from them.  NEVER treat a friend or family member this way!!!  [I realize I've written an entire post about this, so I won't go on and on complaining here!]  However, if I'm not honest with them, how are they going to learn a lesson and do better for the next person, next time???  Maybe that's not my job?!?

Now, it's Sunday morning ... Anne is off to church and David has left to do more repairs and maintenance at our property.  I actually said "NO!" to a visit with a friend this morning -- proud of me??  80% because I'M SO PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED I can hardly face the prospect of getting in the shower.  180% because the request came from the friend who has NOT been there for me.  Just saying ...

I absolutely must share with you the beautiful gifts I received through the course of my day yesterday ...

 Mary Kay is a huge sponsor of women battling cancer!  They were one of the product providers for "Look Good, Feel Better", and many, many products in my box of goodies were donated by Mary Kay.  I also know that their products are high quality as I've used their cleansers and make up on and off for years.  This gorgeous necklace comes with the following insert, "Thank you for thinking with your heart.  By purchasing this beautiful necklace, you're supporting the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation, a non-profit organization that assists women living the the appearance-related side effects of cancer and its treatments ..."  This photo does NOT do it justice -- it's absolutely beautiful!!  The blue tube is Mary Kay's "suncare", an after-sun replenishing gel that contains many botanical extracts.  Christine thought it would be perfect for the harsh effects of radiation on my skin.  I tried some on my shrivelly, dried up hands and it felt soothing and moisturizing.  I will likely have to buy another tube by radiation time, because I plan on slathering it all over my extremely dry body after every shower.  If you are interested in learning more about Mary Kay and don't already have a consultant, feel free to email Christine at cpali@telus.net.  All products can be shipped direct, worldwide.

In my travels yesterday, I received this beautiful "survivor" charm which I will put on a silver necklace chain when I get home.  I love what it says on the reverse side, "A person who continues to prosper in spite of opposition or setbacks."  YES -- I AM that person -- I will prosper, even though cancer has tried to put a roadblock in my way!!!

If you love this unique charm, there are so many more to look at and choose from at christinemaksymec.jewelkade.ca/home.  Enjoy!!

THANK YOU, my dear friends, for all the visits.  I'm sure I'll recuperate once I'm home :) :)

Answers and Equivalent Fractions

Oncolocist Appointment & Blood Work

It was Thursday ... the day to see the oncologist in Kamloops and get blood work done.  Ecstatic at the prospect of actually having some plans for the day, I jumped out of bed at 6 a.m. and got organized to leave the house at 7:30.

One of the wonderful things about being back in Kamloops to finish off treatment is that I get to see the same oncologist every visit.  I had initially seen Dr. Proctor at the Kamloops Cancer Clinic before leaving for Victoria.  I would get to see him for this visit, and every other pre-chemo visit, as well. Having been for 6 oncologist visits at the Victoria Cancer Agency, I had seen five different oncologists. In Victoria, for logistical reasons I'm sure, a file is assigned to a "clinic" of 5-6 oncologists, and you see whoever can fit you in that day.  It was rather frustrating updating every doctor on my case after feeling like they had flipped through my file for 30 seconds before entering the room.

My visit with Dr. Proctor was wonderful -- he is a soft-spoken, thorough, kind man, and he examined me thoroughly and listened to and answered every question I had arrived with in my journal. [Here's some advice I'm sure you've already heard -- ALWAYS write down your questions as you think of them at home.  You might think you'll remember them all, but you won't ... especially if chemo brain has kicked in.]  One question I had was the results of the chest x-ray that was done just before I left Victoria.  The report stated that there were no positional issues with my port and catheter -- it SHOULD work just fine.  We also discussed the horrific leg and ankle pain I experienced after cycle 5.  He doesn't like his patients to take too much Tylenol, so prescribed Gabapentin that I will take Days 2-8 that should help with any nerve pain.  He also gave me a prescription for straight Codeine in case I still experience pain.  Sounds like all pain-bases are covered!

Then, off to a downtown clinic for blood work.  I was quite astonished that no nurses at the large hospital are trained to do blood work from a port.  Can you predict my next statement???  NO BLOOD!  So ... Alteplace (I've now had the clot buster so many times that I've learned its correct name!), wait an hour, back to the clinic again ... TINY bit of blood.  NOT ENOUGH blood.  What now???  Back up to the lab at the hospital for old-fashioned blood work. (Go figure, the downtown clinic couldn't draw blood the "normal" way.  What kind of system is this???)

There were a few fun things thrown in between all the medical stuff -- like lunch with Esther and shopping at Michael's and Walmart -- but, all in all, the medical stuff took the majority of time from 9 a.m. until 4:30 p.m.  Another marathon day!!

Chemo Cycle #6

I just have to show you the gorgeous new bag some of my wonderful family gave me, and it was stuffed with goodies to keep me warm like snugly socks, slippers, and two soft shawls to wrap up in  ... THANK YOU SO MUCH, LEE AND MIKE!!!

When getting ready for a marathon at the Cancer Clinic, it is very important to stock supplies.  This is THE PERFECT bag, obviously thought out by someone who has gone through this experience. There's an insulated pocket for my water bottle, pocket for my cell phone, as well as lots of room for magazines, snacks, and a shawl (a must to keep warm in the air-conditioned chemo room).

With a 9 a.m. appointment time, it seemed rather strange to be going for chemo so early in the morning.  It was very quiet -- I was only the second person in a chair.  My lovely nurse, Donna, got me all hooked up, flushed my port, and tried for blood return  ............. NOPE!!  Not even after the Alteplace the day before.  Donna decided to try Alteplace again, injected it, and then went to consult with Dr. Proctor since we had an hour to wait.  He thought it best I have a dye-guided x-ray to pinpoint the problem once and for all.  So ... wait and wait and wait for the phone to ring that x-ray was ready for me.

I must interject for a moment with a paragraph about my support people.  While in Victoria, Kate and Rachel took turns coming to chemo with me.  NEVER a complaint, NEVER left my side (except to attend class), ALWAYS 100% supportive.  Yesterday, both David and Esther were coming with me. I was thankful the chemo room was so quiet as I wasn't sure they would both be allowed to stay with me. In Victoria, the limit had been ONE support person only.  About 30 minutes in -- I'm not even hooked up, Donna hasn't tried to get blood return, nothing -- David comments that, "This is like watching paint dry!"  WHAT?????  He's now spent 30 minutes in a chemo room ... TOTAL!!!! Not hours and hours and hours like me or my support people!  At the 45 minute mark, shortly after Esther arrives, HE DITCHES!!! And ... doesn't return until I'm 5 minutes from being done.  He certainly didn't experience what a chemo session is like.  For Cycle #7, I think I'll bring some duct tape to keep him in the chair :) :)

The phone rings ... x-ray is ready for me.  Run!!! They're waiting!!!  I have never before been serviced so fast in this department.  At every reception counter, I would begin to spurt out my name and they would just point and say "Run!"  I lay down on a table in the x-ray room and the radiologist positioned the large camera and injected dye into my port. He IMMEDIATELY saw the issue! The catheter tube attached to my port should be free-floating in the middle of my vein.  However, the end of my tube is slightly bent and the opening is resting against the vein wall.  So, anything can push its way out the catheter tube, but as soon as suction is applied to try to get blood return, the tube simply suctions to the vein wall -- therefore, NO BLOOD.  The radiologist was not quite sure why Alteplace helps, except maybe some protein or a clot is forming attaching the tube to the vein wall. He gave the OK for chemo -- YAY!!!

Donna immediately hooked me up to my pre-meds and by noon the Taxol was finally flowing into my veins. Esther had to entertain herself during my brief nap, but she was certainly good company while I was awake. Shortly after 3, I was done, flushed, and we were on our way. After a quick stop at Safeway to pick up Neupogen and my new prescriptions, we were on our way home to Ashcroft.

Cycle #6: 6/8 done

Equivalent fraction:  3/4!! 1/4 to go!!

While getting chemo, a volunteer came by with a cart loaded with gorgeous quilts.  They are made by the Sagebrush Quilters Guild in Kamloops and donated to the Cancer Clinic for chemo patients. Usually, a patient would receive one at their first chemo visit, but since this was my first visit in Kamloops, I was able to choose one. THANK YOU SAGEBRUSH QUILTERS!

When my cancer journey is "over" (well, I guess it's never truly over), I WILL remember to give back in some way.  I'm not a quilter or a knitter, but I will find some way to give back.

Friends, Family, and Motivation

Most of my friends and family have been extremely wonderful in trying to keep me motivated to "fight the good fight" against cancer.  I will admit that my gumption varies from day to day.  Today is a particularly good day, so I thought I'd share a few of my favourite motivational quotes that I have learned over the past few months, in the hopes that they help someone else out there get through their day.

THANK YOU, LAURA, for most of these.  You are my best motivator and rock star friend.  I LOVE YOU!!!

Getting Something off my Chest ... and I Don't Mean my Right Breast!

I've been wanting to get something off my chest ...

If someone you know and love gets diagnosed with cancer or any other life-threatening disease or illness,

PLEASE CALL THEM!!!!!!!!!

The majority of my friends and family have been ROCK STARS -- like, I'm talking texting me virtually EVERY DAY, emailing to check up on me, keeping me motivated, saying they love me, "stay strong", and "I'm thinking about you!".  However, there has also been a noticeable absence of contact from several family members and several friends.

I'm not meaning to sound self-centered here, but ..

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT????????? 

I'm not saying you have to call me every day, text me every hour, or anything ridiculous like that, but NOBODY's life can be so incredibly busy that you can't text a "I'm thinking about you" once a week.

PLEASE don't ever let fear of what to say, fear of interrupting a nap, or busy-ness in your day-to-day life stop you from contacting a friend or family member!!!!  PLEASE!!!!  THEY NEED YOU!!!
I'm talking from experience here!!  It doesn't have to be a two-hour conversation, just a simple "I'm thinking about you" might be exactly what that person needs to brighten their spirits and get them through their day.

PLEASE!!!!!

Out of Control

It really frustrates me when people say not to rush back to work.  I’ve now been off work for FIVE excruciating months!!  My heart literally aches to be back in the classroom in September.  Not for the classroom itself – for my precious students!!  Those who truly have the heart of a teacher will fully understand this. Everyone keeps saying that I need to put my health first – I get it!!! BUT, I feel like I could go to work today (only for a day or two, of course, but I do have good days).  I’d fall into an exhausted heap when I got home, but I could do it!

I know I’m supposed to be taking one day at a time.  And, I agree that it’s sound advice to live by, but … I can’t right now … ugh!!  I need to know when I’m starting radiation so that I can plan my summer, so that I can count out weeks to see when radiation ends, so that I can ask my surgeon to write the letter to go back to work, so that I can talk to the plastic surgeon about the timing of my reconstruction surgery, so that I can … … …

Here’s why I’m frustrated and confused:

Initially, I had seen an oncologist in Kamloops before transferring to Victoria to start my chemo treatment.  He stated that I would get a 4-6 week break after chemo before starting radiation.  However, he reminded me that I would need a consultation with the radiation oncologist in Kelowna, where the radiation will take place, to firm up these plans and learn how extensive my radiation will be.

At about week 5 in Victoria, I had a consultation with the radiation oncologist there since they had no idea I wouldn’t be doing my radiation in Victoria.  She said she gives her patients a 3-4 week break, and then I would need 6 weeks of radiation.  Her plan was quite extensive, involving the breast skin, entire armpit area, as well as lymph nodes under my clavicle and sternum.

Since I love to have all my ducks in a row ...

I have talked to several friends about being with me in Kelowna for a week at a time.  Apparently, I’m not supposed to be alone, and David will be away for work all summer.  These wonderful, unselfish friends all want and need to know dates so they can plan their summer.  Trouble is … I haven’t a clue!!!  My best guess is all of July and the first half of August, but ?????  Your guess is as good as mine J J

Chemo will  should end on May 17, all things going as planned.  I have mega-huge plans at the end of May, as well as an extremely important grad ceremony to attend on June 14, so radiation CAN’T start before then.  Even if they try to tell me it will – IT WON’T!!  I have to have SOME CONTROL here, don't I?  I don't think of myself as the typical "control freak" (if you know me, and think otherwise, please don't tell me!), but I just want to do some planning and have a bit of say in how things come together.

Or ... is this the lesson I'm supposed to be learning ...

"Home" - a poem

In the past, I have been known to complain about my home ... mostly because it's not mine, it's rented. What's not to love -- it's brand new!!  We're the first people ever to live in it.  Would I have done some things differently?  Absolutely!  However, after being in Victoria for the better part of nine weeks, I am TREASURING my beautiful home -- not for the physical aspects of it, but for the emotional.  It's just good for my soul to be home!!

Home

As soon as I
  cross the threshold,
inhale deeply ...
  breathe in cozy comfort,
  fill my lungs with my air.


I belong here.

Exhaling completely,
Pent up anxiety expelled,
I soak in serenity,
  enveloped in normal,
  blanketed in familiarity.

I belong here.

I put on harmony,
  agreement,
  ease,
like worn-in jeans.

I belong here.

Lounge in my La-z-boy,
  feet up,
  total relaxation,
  restfulness in
my humble haven.

I belong here.

Walks to town,
Steaming coffee with
  dipped biscotti,
Familiar neighbourhoods,
Known faces,
Well wishes ... hugs.

I belong here.

Snug satisfaction
  overflows my soul,
Permeates my cells,
As I ponder being
  wrapped in ease.
This is my special sanctuary.

I belong here.


Yvonne, April 2013

I'm Going Home!!!

Last week when I saw the oncologist, I asked about transferring back to the Kamloops Cancer Agency so I could be at home for cycles 6, 7, and 8.  The call came this morning -- I'm going home!!

Although it has been a very special time in Victoria, visiting Kate, Moya, Rachel, and Stu, it's time to be home with David.  I relish the thought of cuddling in my own La-Z-Boy, playing Scrabble with Liza, and hanging out David.  There's just something so comfortable and relaxing about being in one's own space.

My legs, ankles, and head were all a complete mess yesterday.  It's a completely different feeling than my normal Neupogen aches -- more throbbing and, occasionally, searing pain.  At times, I felt as if a knife was stuck in each temple.  Investigating my Paxlitaxel information, one of the side effects is muscle and joint pain, but it sounds like it would normally occur sooner after chemo day.  I consumed more than my share of T3's through the day and night, but have only had one this afternoon when the ankle throbbing started again.

This morning, I traipsed off to the hospital to get my chest x-ray done.  After not being able to find a parking spot, and then getting completely lost in the massive system of hallways, the x-ray didn't take long.  Initially, I was quite skeptical when I saw a large sign that read, "Please Be Patient:  X-ray wait times can be up to two hours"!! Interestingly, the x-ray tech asked me what was on my right side because she had never seen a tissue expander. She was curious to hear all the details about my surgery, dreaded inflations, and final surgery still to come. I'll be holding my breath to see if the x-ray gives any explanation for the continual difficulty getting blood.

I've been laying pretty low, and don't really have any other exciting news to share, but I just wanted you all to know ...

I can't wait to be home!!!

Marathons and Walks

The marathon began when Kate and I arrived at the Cancer Agency about 11:45.  We were informed that they were "a little behind" and we might have a wee bit of a wait.  After grabbing a sandwich, we settled in for a LONG wait -- until they finally took me to a chair at about 1:15 p.m.  Not off to a good start!

Unfortunately, because of the long wait, Kate had to leave for class almost immediately.  This left me even more anxious because "my rock" was walking out of the building and I would be alone while waiting to feel for allergic reactions.  Procedure #1 is always flushing my port -- success!  Procedure #2 is always getting blood return -- NO SUCCESS!  Not a drop of blood -- again!  Yes, we tried sitting forward (in fact, I was so far forward my head almost skimmed the floor!), blanket behind the back, laying down, even all-fours on a stretcher,and then a new needle (yes .. .another poke)  -- NOTHING!!

My nurse, Cindy, paged the head nurse to get permission to give me the chemo anyways. Thankfully, permission was granted because they had gotten blood the day before.  I realize that its just a precautionary measure to make sure the chemo is actually flowing into a vein, not free-floating around my body reeking havoc.  I was also handed an x-ray requisition so the position of my port can be checked.  I'm sure we're all thinking there has to be some logical explanation as to why getting blood is always so difficult.

Finally ... time to get started!  I was pre-loaded with an IV steroid and then IV Benadryl as a precaution for an allergic reaction.  The Benadryl made me nice and sleepy, so when the bag of Paxlitaxel was hung, I was half way to dreamland and wasn't even concerned about an allergic reaction.  The 3-hour drip was finally started at 2:45 p.m.  Poor Kate rushed back, thinking I'd be ready to go home soon, and had a 2-hour wait.  I wasn't flushed and unhooked until just after 6 p.m.

I still felt quite zombie-like for the remainder of the evening, but I was so incredibly relieved that I had no sign of any kind of a reaction.  I also did not experience ANY nausea -- YAY!!!  The oncologist had warned me that our brains are so good at getting conditioned, that some patients experience nausea from this conditioning.  The brain says , "I've been to this room before, sat in this chair, got hooked up and given a drug, and then experience nausea."  Fascinating!! Thankfully, my brain mustn't have been successfully conditioned for nausea because I was perfect -- fine --  ate supper -- no nausea  :) :)

Feeling so good on Saturday morning, I thought I'd head out for a walk.  Here are some of the beautiful images I captured on this glorious day ...

It snowed ...
cherry blossoms!!!

Even though my Sunday night aches returned last evening and have spread to include legs this time, I am counting my blessings this morning.  I was given permission to get my chemo, I had no allergic reactions, and I have suffered no nausea in the past 3 days.  Also, my blood counts were excellent -- my white count was the highest its been during chemo (thank you Neupogen!), my platelets were up, and my hemoglobin didn't drop.

I think it's time to .....

 

TGICF!!!

Thank God It's Chemo Friday!!!

My brain, this morning, is a jumbled mixture of excitement, anxiety, relief, anticipation, and "lets get this over with"!! Today is Cycle #5, which marks a change to a new chemo drug. Instead of the Cyclophosphamide and Adriamycin of cycles 1-4, I switch to Paxlitaxel for cycles 5-8. Hence, the cause of my anxiety . . .

As the dashing and quiet-spoken oncologist put it yesterday, there is a large possibility of a slight allergic reaction and a rare possibility of a severe allergic reaction.  Not very reassuring news!!! Because of the high likelihood of reaction, I will be pre-loaded with three intravenous steroids/antihistamines which might make me drowsy or might make me "loopy" (or loopier than usual!) Then, the IV drip is extremely slow -- a minimum of 4 hours (and maybe up to 6 if I show ANY signs of reaction). I've only had to run sprints at the Cancer Agency so far, but today will be a marathon day. I'm extremely thankful that Kate can start out the marathon with me, staying for over an hour before she has to rush off to class.  That way, if I'm grasping at my throat because I can't breathe, she can flag down the closest nurse for me before I turn blue.  The oncologist must have sensed my anxiety from the barrage of questions I laid on him, as he promised to have an Ativan waiting for me in case I need to relax a wee bit!

After I saw the oncologist yesterday, it was time for blood work again.  I'm sorry to have to report that things did NOT go well -- again!  Laura, the same poor lab tech who struggled with me 4 weeks ago, only attempted about 10 minutes of contortions (including sitting forward, which DID NOT WORK!!) before resorting to the clot buster.  Good thing I had plugged the meter for 3 hours -- must have anticipated the worst, I guess.  While I was whiling away my 75 minutes for the "buster" to work its magic, I had the most adorable visitor ...

This is Moose!!

Isn't he just the cutest boy you've ever seen??!!??  Moose is a therapy dog who comes to visit at the Cancer Agency once a week.  He was incredibly soft and smelled REALLY good -- not like soggy, wet dog at all (it was POURING all day yesterday).  I've always kind of wondered about the value of therapy animals visiting old folks homes and hospitals, but Moose brightened up my mood and my day.  I even thought about him and his affectionate ways several times last evening.  YAY for therapy animals!!

I am extremely pleased to report that the clot buster did its thing and blood immediately gushed out the tube when my wait time was up.  Apparently, about 50% of people with a port grow a little protein flap at the end of the tube -- kind of like a one-way valve -- that will allow fluids in, but closes off the opening when suction is applied.  My port access was able to be left in, so no poke today :)

Marathon start time -- 1200 hours ... 2 hours, 19 minutes and counting!!

I will be overjoyed to be able to fill in one more chemo box and consider myself officially 5/8 DONE!!

Easter Weekend

Easter weekend was C-R-A-Z-Y busy!! It was wonderful!! THE BEST part of it was that I was surrounded (almost non-stop) by family and friends, and I hardly had time to remember I had cancer!  There were times when I'd have to get to the La-Z-Boy right quick because my energy had been zapped from my body but, other than that, it was go-go-go and I loved it!!

After arriving in Ashcroft on Wednesday, friends from Smithers stopped over on their way to Vancouver.  We had a fabulous catch-up visit, they spent the night, and then were on their way bright and early Thursday. Thursday afternoon, it was more company when David's cousin and husband stopped in for tea with fresh cinnamon buns ... yum (one of my favourite sweets!!)

Friday, my sister, Maureen, arrived from Trail.  I really, really needed a "Maureen Fix".  One of the upsides of this entire journey is that it has brought Maureen and I incredibly close.  I always knew we loved each other, but we express it more freely and frequently, and being forced to face my own mortality has made me appreciate her and her love so much more.  The last time we visited in Trail was when I was dealing with "Hairy Orange Arm Pit" and I was a whining wimp.  I really needed a visit where I just felt good and could jam in tons of quality visiting.  Mission Accomplished!!

Esther, Kate, and Moya arrived on Saturday afternoon.  Here's the rest of our weekend in pictures ...

Maureen and I walked to see the hoodoos ...

We decorated eggs ...

... and nicknamed me "Egg Head"!!

Kate helped me pretend I have hair :) :)

We cooked ... (well, I didn't cook -- another upside !!)

and ate ...

and ate!!

 And we had to say good-bye :( :(

What a fabulous Easter weekend!! The only thing that would have made it better was having Mom & Dad (x 2), Charlotte, Kevin, Joy, Rachel, and Stu with us.

Thank you for my family!!!!!