Out of Control

It really frustrates me when people say not to rush back to work.  I’ve now been off work for FIVE excruciating months!!  My heart literally aches to be back in the classroom in September.  Not for the classroom itself – for my precious students!!  Those who truly have the heart of a teacher will fully understand this. Everyone keeps saying that I need to put my health first – I get it!!! BUT, I feel like I could go to work today (only for a day or two, of course, but I do have good days).  I’d fall into an exhausted heap when I got home, but I could do it!

I know I’m supposed to be taking one day at a time.  And, I agree that it’s sound advice to live by, but … I can’t right now … ugh!!  I need to know when I’m starting radiation so that I can plan my summer, so that I can count out weeks to see when radiation ends, so that I can ask my surgeon to write the letter to go back to work, so that I can talk to the plastic surgeon about the timing of my reconstruction surgery, so that I can … … …

Here’s why I’m frustrated and confused:

Initially, I had seen an oncologist in Kamloops before transferring to Victoria to start my chemo treatment.  He stated that I would get a 4-6 week break after chemo before starting radiation.  However, he reminded me that I would need a consultation with the radiation oncologist in Kelowna, where the radiation will take place, to firm up these plans and learn how extensive my radiation will be.

At about week 5 in Victoria, I had a consultation with the radiation oncologist there since they had no idea I wouldn’t be doing my radiation in Victoria.  She said she gives her patients a 3-4 week break, and then I would need 6 weeks of radiation.  Her plan was quite extensive, involving the breast skin, entire armpit area, as well as lymph nodes under my clavicle and sternum.

Since I love to have all my ducks in a row ...

I have talked to several friends about being with me in Kelowna for a week at a time.  Apparently, I’m not supposed to be alone, and David will be away for work all summer.  These wonderful, unselfish friends all want and need to know dates so they can plan their summer.  Trouble is … I haven’t a clue!!!  My best guess is all of July and the first half of August, but ?????  Your guess is as good as mine J J

Chemo will  should end on May 17, all things going as planned.  I have mega-huge plans at the end of May, as well as an extremely important grad ceremony to attend on June 14, so radiation CAN’T start before then.  Even if they try to tell me it will – IT WON’T!!  I have to have SOME CONTROL here, don't I?  I don't think of myself as the typical "control freak" (if you know me, and think otherwise, please don't tell me!), but I just want to do some planning and have a bit of say in how things come together.

Or ... is this the lesson I'm supposed to be learning ...