Cancer Can Crush the Feeble-Minded

I’m having an extra-marital affair.  He’s tall and dark, but definitely NOT handsome.  He looms over me like a wispy, black form with svelte arms that try to encircle me and choke out my life.

His name is Cancer.

In the past, I’ve thought of this relationship as a dance – even wrote about it.  However, in the last few days, my thinking has changed.  This is more than a mere one-time polka one might have at a wedding reception with an uncle or the nerdy guy that looks lonely … this is a full-on relationship. 

There was no casual meeting, eye contact, flirting, wooing, then courtship.  Cancer and I, we went “all the way” right off the bat – jumped in with both feet, so to speak -- or at least, jumped in with an entire breast (if breasts could jump).  Well, I have one that jiggles pretty successfully, but Dr. Meredith will fix that up right quick J J

Problem is … Cancer is a control freak!!  Usually, I make fast tracks in the opposite direction when I start feeling controlled – been there, done that!  However, no matter how fast I sprint, cancer keeps pace.  He twirls me, enticing me to attempt the next move, all the while knowing he desires all control.  I can’t outrun him, I can’t hide, I have to stand face-to-face, look him in the eye, and decide to fight.

I hate confrontation!  It’s not in my personality to fight with people – I’m a people-pleaser.  But, this “partner” is different -- selfish, greedy, even.  He causes a riot of emotions to erupt from my inner-most being – resentment, anger. Like a dandelion seed, I can often feel blown about, wafting on the breeze created by Cancer’s breath. Some days it even feels good to hate, with anger fueling my next move, driving me on, and motivating me to fight all the harder.

My quirky partner, however, is a terrific life-teacher.  Even though he has caused me loss – a breast, my ability to work, time with my students, my fitness level – he has taught me well. Life is fragile – my every breath, a gift.  People are precious, and those I love, priceless treasures.  Cancer dictates the moves and teaches the next step, but I control my attitude, and the level of my faith, during this relationship. 

I hope and pray this relationship is “over” soon – or as “over” as it can ever be.  I have a feeling that Cancer will always lurk in the shadows, selfishly wanting to float to the forefront again as my chief source of worry and anxiety.  I don't want so much as a fleeting flicker of doubt to cross my mind or to cloud the months and years ahead of me.  I want to see the future clearly – not always peering through anxiety-frosted glass.

Cancer can crush the feeble-minded.  I will not let this happen to me.  This relationship happened for a reason -- for me to be a student learning patience, and remembering that if I get complacent, God will get my attention somehow.  Thankful for the life lessons I'm learning, I fight on!

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!