Choices and Comfort Zones

It's All About the Little Choices in Life

How do we, as human beings, feel "in control"?  Does it come by being allowed to make decisions for ourselves? Do we feel "out of control" when somebody else lords their authority over us and makes decisions on our behalf?

According to studies, the average human makes 600+ decisions every day.  I just chose to have fresh Okanagan raspberries and almond yogurt for breakfast.  I just chose to make coffee so I don't get a caffeine-withdrawal headache. I just chose to sit down with my laptop and start a blog post.

Nonetheless, as a cancer patient, I often feel that everyone else is making all the decisions and I have no say as to what is happening with my body. Somewhat like a windblown leaf, I'm not controlling my own destiny, but rather am blown around by Cancer's breath. Now, I know in theory that this is NOT true.  I show up for every treatment and procedure, without someone twisting my arm to get me there.  However, during the past nine months, I have often felt that I have relinquished control of my body over to cancer.

You will think me crazy but, last Tuesday, when I went for my very first radiation treatment, I was thrilled to be offered a choice of housecoat colours.  For my gown -- no choice -- they were all over-washed, thread-barren, light blue.  However, there were two choices for housecoats -- a light/dark blue herringbone pattern, or plain navy blue.  Chris (the therapist) let ME choose.  He didn't just grab one willy-nilly.  He let ME choose!!! That simple gesture meant so much to me. Thank you, Chris!

Comfort Zones

At the Kelowna Cancer Agency, the waiting and treatment rooms are divided up according to the part of the body that needs treatment.  My neighbour, Jessie, was in "The Orchard" for treatment for a cancerous brain tumor.  I am in "The Park" for my breast cancer treatment.  Within three days, all four therapists who work in the Park -- Chris, Jenny, Leanna, Liza, and student, Richard -- had introduced themselves and worked with me.  

This Wednesday when I went for treatment, it was obvious that "The Park" was having difficulties. All the therapists were running from the treatment room to the computer room (they are NOT in the treatment room when they push the magic buttons for the rays to start zapping!!), calling directions back and forth to each other. A few minutes after my treatment time, Mike, an Orchard therapist, came to get me.

What??  You're not MY people!  The Orchard isn't MY treatment room!

Mike explained that they were having major issues with the machine in The Park.  I could wait, if I wanted, but they were happy to take me to The Orchard for my treatment. This TOTALLY threw me for a loop!  Only 8 short days before, the entire thought of radiation was out of my comfort zone.  However, in a very brief span of time, The Park and MY therapists had become my sense of security -- the mental boundaries within which my mind had become conditioned to be comfortable.

I DID go to The Orchard for treatment with Mike and Sarah.  I lived through it -- although my mind had convinced me that they weren't quite as good as MY therapists.

Even though it is important to occasionally push ourselves outside those mental boundaries, here's the new sign I'm posting on the 10" thick door of The Park treatment room ...