"There is no age restriction with cancer.
You only have to be alive to grow it.
You only have to be dead to get away from it completely."
A direct quote from the back cover of a book recently mailed to me by a friend, (Thank you, Dina! for purchasing and starting the voyage of this Pass It Forward book. Thank you, Judy! for Passing It Forward to me!!) these few sentences pretty much sum up a reoccurring thought that I can't shake these days. About half way through reading this "tilted memoir" by DebiLyn Smith, "Running from Cancer" recounts her journey as she travels the road called breast cancer.
What comfort and reassurance there is in reading another woman's struggles and emotions, as DebiLyn experiences many of my same roller-coaster excitements and griefs encountered along the way. This quote from the back of the book is particularly pertinent to my thinking over the last week.
Next Friday, August 16th, as I drive away from Kelowna for the final time -- well, the final time that is associated with radiation -- I will be alive. Therefore, I will still possess the ability to "grow cancer". Quite possibly, according to statistics, I will have an even higher likelihood of growing it than my friends, family, co-workers, or you! What I don't want to do is bob and flounder aimlessly like flotsam and jetsam after a shipwreck. Yes, my body has lived through a wreck of sorts, but I aim to take control of my body AND mind.
My body -- well, I have grand plans of attending "Boot Camp" again in September, and forcing myself to get up for 6 a.m. workouts starting in October. I will endeavour to continue with ultra-healthy eating habits even though my chief motivator (Kate) will have returned to school by then.
But ... it's my mind that is difficult to harness. Even now, as I lay in bed willing sleep to come, a plethora of questions float across my half-conscious mind ...
* Will I freak out at every small twinge and pain wondering if "It"s back?
* Will I be capable of shoving "It" to the back burner and getting on with life?
* Will I constantly wonder if I'm working hard enough, doing enough, praying enough to keep "It"
at bay?
* Have I, and the medical system, done enough over the last 10+ months to annihilate
the enemy completely?
I have a strong hunch that I'll have to keep you posted on the answers to all these wonderings as the next months unfold. For now ...
What comfort and reassurance there is in reading another woman's struggles and emotions, as DebiLyn experiences many of my same roller-coaster excitements and griefs encountered along the way. This quote from the back of the book is particularly pertinent to my thinking over the last week.
Next Friday, August 16th, as I drive away from Kelowna for the final time -- well, the final time that is associated with radiation -- I will be alive. Therefore, I will still possess the ability to "grow cancer". Quite possibly, according to statistics, I will have an even higher likelihood of growing it than my friends, family, co-workers, or you! What I don't want to do is bob and flounder aimlessly like flotsam and jetsam after a shipwreck. Yes, my body has lived through a wreck of sorts, but I aim to take control of my body AND mind.
My body -- well, I have grand plans of attending "Boot Camp" again in September, and forcing myself to get up for 6 a.m. workouts starting in October. I will endeavour to continue with ultra-healthy eating habits even though my chief motivator (Kate) will have returned to school by then.
But ... it's my mind that is difficult to harness. Even now, as I lay in bed willing sleep to come, a plethora of questions float across my half-conscious mind ...
* Will I freak out at every small twinge and pain wondering if "It"s back?
* Will I be capable of shoving "It" to the back burner and getting on with life?
* Will I constantly wonder if I'm working hard enough, doing enough, praying enough to keep "It"
at bay?
* Have I, and the medical system, done enough over the last 10+ months to annihilate
the enemy completely?
I have a strong hunch that I'll have to keep you posted on the answers to all these wonderings as the next months unfold. For now ...
Much love to you all today!!
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