The Port is Out!!

The alarm was supposed to ring at 5:15 a.m. to get Esther and I up and on our way to be at the hospital by 6.  However, at 5:35 when I woke up, I couldn't figure out why it hadn't gone off and woken me up.  Turns out, I had set it for Friday at 5:15, not Thursday.  Even though we were 10 minutes late for my check-in time at Admitting, the morning turned into a bit of a waiting game -- but, I'm used to that :)

After making our way to Day Care Surgery, a nurse checked me in, weighed and measured me, and gave me my cute gown and blue bootie slippers to hang out in for a while. About 7:30, I got the fastest ride of my life to the OR holding room -- I guess the fellow was in a rush.  Once my IV was in -- which I'm thrilled to report went smoothly and worked on try #1 -- I said goodbye to Esther and headed into the OR.

I hate anesthetic!! All those friendly faces staring down at me, telling me to relax and think of something "happy" when, all the while, I know they're going to rip off my snuggly warm blankie, remove my cute gown and expose me to the world, and then cut me open.  Relaxing is not exactly what's on my mind! The part that totally freaks me out is the lost time ... waking up in the recovery room wondering where those moments of life went ... they're just gone!

I was out of recovery and back to Day Care quite quickly.  The nurse suggested a popsicle for my sore throat, and brought my favourite -- orange. After a few sips of apple juice, I closed my eyes and drifted off to dreamland.  However, I couldn't seem to wake up so they allowed me to sleep for several hours.  About noon, I thought I could head to the washroom and then get dressed. Trouble was, the second I moved my body and sat up, up came every drop of liquid I had consumed.  Thinking back, I was extremely nauseous after my last two surgeries as well. I stumbled to the washroom with the IV pole holding me up, and managed to make it back to bed. While trying to get dressed, I threw up twice more.  Determined to get out of there, I climbed into a wheelchair, plastic bag in lap just in case, and Esther pushed me to the front door.  The second I stood up to climb into the car, up it came ... again!!

After an uneventful drive home, I climbed into bed and slept for over 3 hours.  When I got up, I tried some sips of water, but that came up too.  Off to the store Esther went, and returned with Gravol, ginger ale, and soda crackers.

I'm happy to report that the bits of cracker and ginger ale I had are still in my stomach. Yay!!

Another surgery down -- only ONE MORE to go!!

September 26 is Mesothelioma Awareness Day

I'm not sure how many of you noticed, but a few posts ago there was a comment from Cameron asking if I would email him. Since one of my goals in writing this blog has always been to help people, I emailed right away to see how I could be of assistance.

Cameron's wife, Heather, has a form of cancer called Mesothelioma, caused by asbestos exposure. On average, 3000 people are diagnosed with this deadly form of cancer every year.  They are given an average of 10 months to live.

If you are like me, perhaps you've never heard the name "Mesothelioma" before right now. Well, it's time that changed!  I believe we should increase awareness about every form of cancer. Please go to the link to learn more about mesothelioma and hear Heather's story.

Mesothelioma Awareness Day

Cameron and Heather, thank you for raising MY awareness about this form of cancer.  And, thank you for being yet another one of the "connections" to people that makes it so amazingly incredible to write this blog.

Abundant Blessings ... #1

I do NOT say this lightly ...

I would NOT trade the last year for ANYTHING!!

As I think I've mentioned once or twice before, having cancer has brought so many blessings into my life. Blessings that I'm thoroughly convinced would not have come my way without my diagnosis, and subsequent year-long journey. Since I'm coming up to the anniversary of when this whirlwind, crazy year started, it's time for me to look back and recount how wonderful it's been.

Blessing #1: The Gift of Writing

Thank you, Laura, for your profound and thought-provoking question ... "What have you always wanted to do, but never have the time?" ... WRITE!  Writing became my love in high school under the care and guidance of patient Mr. Ranallo.  But, in the craziness of daily life, writing never found its way into my busy routine.  Cancer tossed that routine to the wind and rewarded me with the gift of writing time.

This blog has been my counselor, my therapist, my friend, my listening ear, my steadfast companion, my quiet place.  I truly would write every word again even if only for my own eyes and ears.  It is good for my soul to write.

I had not written a poem in upwards of 30 years, but descriptions, sentiments, and emotions erupted within me that occasionally poured forth in poetic form. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did writing them.

When I reread some of my posts, they start with despair and hopelessness but, somehow, during the writing process, my attitude changed and hope returned.

As the author of this blog, I have the pleasure of knowing where my audience is.  It inspires me to continue writing when I see "Canada, United States, Russia, Bulgaria, Philippines, South Korea, Ukraine, Jordan, Sweden, etc. " listed as my audience. I am blown away that out of ALL the breast cancer blogs on the internet, you choose to read mine.  THANK YOU!! I feel like we're old friends -- like we have a connection, even though I don't even know your name. Cancer brought me YOU!

Had I not written over the last year, I would carry within me an untold story, desperate to get out. It has been said that, "Words are a lens to focus one's mind." (A. Rand). Many, many days over the past months I have needed that lens to get through the day and focus on what's really important.

Thank you for the blessing of writing! 

Appointments Galore!

What do they say about roads being paved with good intentions?!?  Boy, the days just fly by and I haven't written and haven't written ... sorry!!

Not only was my weekend filled with company, it was filled with a horrid cold.  Yes, I have my first cold in over a year.  Somehow, I managed to stay healthy all the way through chemo when my immune system was taking a hit every two weeks, but throw me back into a classroom full of kids and -- WHAM!!  My annual September cold is in full swing.

The past week held a momentous occasion for me -- and I'm not referring to my 55th birthday on Friday -- I went for my first hair cut since I had my head buzzed in Victoria.  Well, it's a bit of a stretch to call it an actual hair "cut".  It was more like, "A little off around the ears and clean up my neck with the razor, please." But, it felt monumental to me!  That appointment meant that my hair is actually growing -- not rapidly, but growing!  I still have to do lots of convincing every morning with mounds of product to keep it from sproinging straight up all over my head, but it's progress, nonetheless.

The upcoming week holds the first of a new round of medical appointments for me.  On Thursday, I have surgery to remove my port.  Apparently, lots of cancer patients with ports keep them in for a year or two, "just in case" it is needed.  Thinking optimistically, I will NEVER need this port again and I'll be glad to be done with the monthly-flush regime.  The finicky nature of my port (remember all those contortions in Victoria??) renders it unusable anyway, so out it comes!  It should be extremely simple surgery.  Open up the initial incision, slide out the port with tube attached, and sew me up again.  I'm sure I'll only be in the OR for 10 minutes.

More excitement arrives on October 8th when I go for my first one-breast mammogram.  I don't fully understand the reasoning behind this appointment as several oncologists have stated that it is far more likely for me to get cancer somewhere else in my body than it is to get it in the other breast. However, I won't look a gift horse breast-squishing in the mouth, I will simply endure the breast-pancake look and enjoy the reassurance that my remaining breast is still cancer free (thinking optimistically, again!!).

Later in November, I have my final liver CT to look, once again, at the lesion they found during my post-diagnosis abdominal CT.  If the lesion still has the same appearance it did back in November 2012, overly-cautious Dr. Proctor will be satisfied that it is, in fact, a harmless lesion as first suspected.

On December 6, one day short of the one-year anniversary of my mastectomy, I have my first official post-treatment check-up with Dr. Proctor. I truly do feel great, and hope this continues over the next few months so I can give him a good report on how I'm doing.  It IS true that every time I feel a little twinge or pain, my brain wants to immediately jump to the question, "Could this be ..??.", but I quickly revert to my optimistic, positive attitude and get on with life.

Midnight Portrait - A Poem

Midnight Portrait

Startled awake, I toss and turn.
At first, frustrated, impatient,
   thirsty for sleep to return.

My attentive brain won't rest.
I lay awake,
   soaking in the still silence.
Observant of the wonders
   outside my window.

I marvel at the midnight sky.
Each star precisely placed
  with careful thought.

If stars are placed,
   how much more so, me ...
   my moments, days, 
   my life.


No footstep is by happenchance.
Each stepping stone
   skillfully arranged before me.
The moments of my days 
   faithfully devised.
  
No accidents, no coincidences.
But methodically planned,
   accurate,
   faultless,
   perfect.

The portrait of my life
   lovingly painted,
   with gentle strokes.

Yvonne
September 13, 2013

Morning Workout Accomplished!

For reasons unknown to me, "Coach Trill", the local fitness guru in little Ashcroft, decided to go straight to 6 a.m. workouts in September rather than holding evening "Boot Camp" as she did last year.  Even though meeting in the Cache Creek park to run, jump, sweat, groan, and pump iron was incredibly exhilarating and very social, I am a morning person through-and-through and am, therefore, quite thankful to go straight to morning workouts when my energy level and enthusiasm are far greater than after a day at work.

Today marked the first workout morning. To say I was excited would be a huge understatement. My alarm was set for 5:15 a.m. to give me ample time to eat half my bowl of lentils, brush my teeth, and get dressed.  It didn't surprise me when I woke up a fair while before the alarm ever rang. I literally sprang out of bed and found myself totally ready to go by about 5:25.  I fiddled around in the kitchen and bedroom, making sure all my work supplies were as ready as they could be to minimize my time back at home between workout and heading off to school.

Never in a million years did I think I would actually shed tears as I walked through the doors of the gym, but that's exactly what happened.  Ten months had elapsed since I'd attended morning workout, and it definitely felt like a major milestone to be well enough to give a tough workout a try. To my delight, Vicky started us out with a day of weights and exercise balls -- the "easiest" (relatively speaking) of the 3 morning workouts she does.

Yes, there were times when I needed to take a break.
Yes, there were times when I wondered why on earth I had been excited to work out.
Yes, there were times when I wanted it to be 7 a.m. with the workout done.

But ... as our workout drew to a close, and we were on our last circuit before cool down, coincidentally, the song that came on was Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger".  At that precise moment, it felt like my theme song.  Cancer DIDN'T kill me, it DID make me stronger and stronger and stronger in SO MANY ways!!

I'm alive to work out!!!  I'm sure there will be many mornings that I will whine and snivel when the alarm rings at 5:15 a.m.  Hopefully, it won't take me too long to remember the exhilaration I experienced this morning at work out.

BACK TO WORK!!!

First of all, I apologize for not writing for many, many days.  The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of traveling to drop off my daughter in Ontario for university, and getting ready for school. No excuse, I know!  My intentions to write have been far greater than my time behind my laptop!

For any teacher, Labour Day Weekend marks the termination of "freedom" and the commencement of the school year with all that that implies -- lesson planning, room set-up, marking assignments, writing report cards, early mornings, late afternoons, and laying awake at night thinking about that one student who just isn't engaged and buying in.  For me, Labour Day Weekend held too many emotions to even describe!  The sheer excitement and pride of a daughter continuing her university education in the unknown world of Ontario, coupled with the emptiness and sadness when leaving her behind.  The contentment of having David home for six whole days, and having enough time together to settle in to our usual routine.  The anticipation, trepidation, uncertainty, anxiety, flurry, and joy of returning to work -- to precious students, new colleagues, much-needed routine, "normal" life.  It was here!!

It seems to always be the case -- whether after Christmas break or whether after the endless days of summer -- that, by recess break, all the staff is saying "It feels like we never left!".  My burning question is, how can that be the case when I had 10 months off?!? However, by nutritional break on Tuesday morning, I was stating exactly the same thing.  By the time the students left at noon, I had endured a 2-hour staff meeting, and then a 1-hour meeting with the principal, I was thoroughly and completely exhausted.

There have been moments this week when I asked myself, "You wanted to return to this?" "Why?"
However, even though the first few days were a real challenge -- this IS high school, after all -- I have already experienced several rewarding moments.  Moments that make me breathe a sigh of relief and realize, "Yes!! This is why I love teaching!!"  It's going to be a great year, for many, many, many reasons! None of the least of which is ... I'm ALIVE to teach it!!

True confession time -- David took a picture of me outside my new school on Day One.  But ... I thought I looked so fat that I won't include it :( :(

PS:  I have really missed the therapeutic nature of writing my blog.  I will try my level best to be more consistent in the weeks to come.