Happy Thanksgiving!

     To my readers in the U.S., Happy Thanksgiving!!

And ... I'm giving thanks especially today after a call from the Cancer Agency yesterday afternoon.  I had myself worked into a frenzy about the impending results of my chest x-ray, having convinced myself it was either pneumonia or lung cancer -- neither one being a great option at this stage of the game. The mind is an intricate, fascinating factory, but it often works overtime when it should have gone home for the night!  Joy showed me a perfect saying yesterday,

 

 

However, I was finding it extremely difficult to not hit the "play" button on the "What if ..." song that loves to reek havoc with my well-being.

 

After a few exciting rounds of telephone tag, I eventually got to talk to a nurse.  She told me she couldn't read the report to me word-for-word since she's not a doctor, but that there was absolutely nothing that should stress me out, worry me, or cause me to not sleep.  In other words, the initial haziness seen on the CT must be gone, and there were no new alarm bells to sound.  When I see him on Thursday, I will ask Dr. Proctor to read me the report from start to finish -- as well as the report from my mammogram, which I keep forgetting about -- just for extra assurance that all is well.

 

I think I'll fire that Negative Committee!  Even though they have outstanding work ethic, are committed, and persevere  on most tasks, I'd rather live my life without them taking up space in my head!

 

 

 



Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of ... November

Yes, that old, classic song title usually ends with the word "summer".  However, with the below-zero temperatures that have been happening in Ashcroft (and, unfortunately, inside my school building!) over the last week, November is more fitting -- for more reasons than one.

On Friday, I received a call from my Kamloops oncologist, Dr. P. with the results of my abdominal CT.  Thankfully, all looked good with my liver lesion.  It is still presenting exactly the same way it has on the other three CT's, with the radiologist sticking to his earlier predictions that it appears to be a cavernous hemangioma, or blood vessel malformation.  According to Nurse Maureen (AKA ... Doctor Lewis), hemangiomas are extremely common in the average human being. The annoying part of the phone call came after that good news.

Apparently, the bottom 1/4 of my lungs that could be seen on the CT showed that my lungs appeared "hazy".  Dr. P. drilled me about colds, coughs, shortness of breath, amount of energy, etc. etc.  Haziness is most commonly associated with infection and/or pneumonia.  Well, I have endured two of my usual "back-to-school" colds this fall, just feeling close to 100% a few days ago.  However, during neither of these colds did I cough much or feel like I had chest congestion.  Cautious Dr. P. wanted to follow up with a full chest x-ray.

As luck would have it, yesterday was a Professional Development Day in our school district, so I didn't have to plan for a substitute teacher.  After listening to a fabulous speaker in the morning, I headed off to Kamloops at lunch.  The most frustrating part of the day was trying to find a parking spot in the hugely-inadequate hospital parkade.  Thank Heaven, they're in the process of "paving paradise to put up a parking lot" (Big Yellow Taxi). Actually, it's an enormous shame that the grass, trees, and flowers at the front of the hospital were ripped out to construct a concrete parkade, but increased parking capacity is highly necessary.  It definitely took 10 times longer to find a parking spot than it did to get the x-ray.

Now, the waiting game again ...

I made the mistake of googling "hazy lungs" this morning.  WHY did I do that??? There are some very logical explanations, but also some very scary ones.  I'm desperately trying to NOT let my brain go to any of the scary places unnecessarily.  I will be tremendously relieved to get Dr. P.'s call that all is well, or that I need a simple antibiotic to clear up the remnants of a slight infection.

I'll keep you posted.

Plan A and Donut Rides

Yesterday was the first of the much-anticipated myriad of appointments that have been marked on my calendar for quite some time.  First stop was Dr. M's office, my plastic surgeon. Imagine being quite used to stripping off the pretty hospital gown to be measured (like literally -- with a ruler) and "manipulated" by a strange man.  Well -- he's a lovely man -- but you know what I mean. A few weeks back, his receptionist had told me Dr. M. might want to do my surgery as early as mid-November (that's right now).  However, after learning that I have a Mexican vacation planned for December, she thought it unwise to take a chance on wound-healing complications in a country that does not share our standard of health care. 

I was, therefore, quite surprised when Dr. M. relayed to me the Cancer Agency's recommendation that women wait 6 months from their last radiation treatment before considering reconstruction surgery.  That puts it right about mid-February for me.  Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart!!

Another surprise came when Dr. M offered me the possibility of carrying through with the TRAM reconstruction procedure if I had changed my mind about being comfortable with the thought of an implant.  This was a very sad statement indeed, since that meant I was no longer the woman that did NOT make a good TRAM candidate because of no belly fat.  My belly fat is back full force!  I told him I was mentally prepared to have an implant, and that I was not worried about its safety or "feel". The OR time for Plan A (removing the tissue expander, inserting the implant, and a lift to my left breast) is about 2 hours with no hospital stay, and then 2 weeks at home.  Plan B (TRAM reconstruction) is 6 hours in the OR, 4 days in hospital, and 4-6 weeks at home.  No thanks! I'll stick with Plan A.

Next, it was off to the hospital for my 4th abdominal CT.  The extremely-patient tech reassured me over and over once he understood that needles aren't my favourite thing.  He even found a vein for my IV on the first try -- yay! With arms stretched out over my head, I got one ride in and out of the donut before being injected with the contrast material. It is an incredibly strange sensation when they inject the dye and you're POSITIVE you just peed yourself!  Not a nice feeling! After I was warm and tingly inside (AKA ... the dye had traveled through my system), I got one more trip in and out of the donut.  I was finished before I had time to freak out, and I did it all Ativan-free :)

Now, it's a waiting game again.  On December 5th, when I go see my Kamloops oncologist, I should get the results of my mammogram and this CT.  I'm feeling very confident that all is well.

Letters From "Home"

The teacher who replaced me at Ashcroft Elementary School attends morning workout.  On Wednesday, before class began, Gloria handed me an over-stuffed, large brown envelope.  My first thought was that she had found something I had forgotten when I cleaned out my old classroom in June.  However, when I immediately started to tear at the seal, Gloria told me her advice was to wait until later to open it. Hmmm??

While eating breakfast after workout, I remembered about the envelope I had slid into my workout bag, and dashed out to the car to retrieve it. The second I realized what it was, I literally flooded my breakfast plate with tears ... letters from my former students.

Obviously, after Monday's workout when my supportive workout buddies ran laps with me, Gloria must have told her students it was my "anniversary" and asked them to write me letters.  The Grade 7 students -- my former Grade 6's from the start of last school year -- poured their hearts and souls onto that paper, reliving what they felt the day I told them I had breast cancer and they would be getting a new teacher.  The Grade 6's relayed what it was like for them to hear and see crying students that day, and how the school wasn't the same without me.  Many expressed their disappointment with my decision to move to the high school, instead of returning to teach them this September. Several told me about their loved one who was also struggling, or had died, from cancer. I will cherish each and every one of those letters for a very long time!

Although every letter was enjoyable and special, one line, in particular, struck a cord with me. Wyatt said, "You're not a survivor. You're a thriver!" Upon further investigation with my online thesaurus, "to survive" means to "get through" and "persevere".  Yes, I HAVE persevered!  However, "to thrive" is equated with prospering, flourishing, succeeding, and having vigour.  That description resonates with me!

As excellent timing would have it, that very day I was scheduled to go to a meeting at Ashcroft Elementary School.  Imagine my delight when I went and visited all those precious students in their classroom at the start of their day.  Not only did I get bowled over with bear hugs, it gave me an opportunity to catch them up on my year of treatment, how I'm doing, and what the future holds. So many of them told me they couldn't wait to get to Grade 8 so we'd be at the same school again.

In many ways, Ashcroft Elementary still feels more like "home" to me than the secondary school does -- I know that's because of all the hours I spent there over 3 years.  What a delight to get letters from "home"!

"ONE YEAR" - Forgot something :)

        

I forgot to tell you something really important last night -- my brain was fried from being up early, racing through a hectic day, and celebrating all evening.

Yesterday, being Monday, was a morning workout day. As soon as I walked into the gym, Vicky (Coach Trill) asked me if I was getting close to my one-year anniversary.  I responded that, yes, it was in fact my one-year anniversary that very day.  She commented that as she watched me bound down the stairs on Hallowe'en night (she and her daughter were at the door, and I got elected - by David - to be the hander-outer), I looked like "an athlete" (Imagine! ME?!? An athlete!!). After leaving my door, she thought it had been about this time last year when I left morning workouts for good and, therefore, figured my diagnosis day must be coming up soon.

When Vicky learned that yesterday was my anniversary, she asked if we could do the cool down in my honour.  Of course!

So ... after a grueling hour of AMRAP (As Many Reps As Possible) workout, we all cooled down by running laps of the gym to Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger". My fellow "athletes" ran with me initially, and then stopped while I ran by them, giving me high fives and hugs.

It was definitely one of the highlights of my day and I can't believe I forgot about it while writing last night. I know that a one-hour workout is peanuts to lots of people, but it still feels like a major accomplishment to me.

ONE YEAR!!!

One year ago today I received my diagnosis. 

It feels rather odd to say that I celebrated today ... but I did. Does one want to celebrate the day that changed your life? I'm not so sure! My first instinct was to recollect that it was a fabulous year -- one filled with blessings, as I've been saying.  However, not all the days were enjoyable -- chemo, in particular, with its nausea, fatigue, reaction to smells, and sore gums. Now that I'm "out the other side" of treatment, it's easy to forget the yucky bits (somewhat like childbirth!). I guess I'm celebrating that I'm alive one year later -- alive to fight, alive to love, alive to live.

Thank you to all my dear family and friends who wished me well today, and had such inspiring things to say. I couldn't have made it through the year without your support.

Thank you, David, for the large glass of red wine and dinner out. You instinctively know when I need a special evening.

November 4th will forever hold a special place in my memory.

Sorry this is short -- I'm exhausted :)

Massage- A Simple Pleasure or Contraindicated?

For the past few months, I have been going for a bi-weekly massage. Not only is it relaxing, mind-calming, and euphoric, Wendy's magic hands have helped my sciatic nerve issues and given me better nights' sleep.  Floating somewhere in Never Never Land listening to soothing music and soaking up the aromatherapy, my mind wanders and I have the ability to forget about the struggles of the day and whatever work lies ahead.

Trouble is, there seems to be much controversy over whether massage is an anxiety-reducing, justified cancer treatment, or whether it is contraindicated in every cancer case. The "old school" of thought (which still continues in some circles today), was that once a person has cancer, massage should NEVER be administered to that person again. The thinking behind this opinion is that since massage promotes the flow of blood and lymph throughout the body, it will also speed the flow of cancer cells in these systems. My question is, doesn't exercise do the exact same thing? If you are interested in reading more about this archaic interesting school of thought, the website Knowing When Not to Massage - for Dummies has some junk food for thought.

Conversely, there is up-to-date evidence that indicates massage can be a valuable addition to traditional cancer treatment, decreasing stress, anxiety, depression and even relieving pain and fatigue. In addition, massage increases endorphins in the body, literally making one "feel good".

According to the Canadian Cancer Society, "There is a concern that manipulation in the area of a tumour might increase the risk of cancer cells breaking away and travelling to other parts of the body. Although there is no evidence to suggest that massage therapy can spread cancer, it is sensible for people with cancer to avoid massage near and over tumours and lumps that may be cancerous until this question is clearly answered." For more informative reading on this website, go to Canadian Cancer Society: Massage Therapy 

During their training, massage therapists are taught how to treat cancer patients with kid gloves, and there is even a fairly new branch of study dedicated to oncology massage therapy. (Read more at Massage Today article).

I'm believing that the relaxation and enjoyment I experience during that magic hour every two weeks, far outweigh any thoughts brought on by naysayers that try to tell me massage is anything but excellent.