Three Sick Mexicans

All my life, I seem to have had an innate ability to continually self-scrutinize using the measuring stick of other people. Invariably, I come up short, which has jam-packed by soul and spirit with negative core beliefs including a feeling of never being good enough. I've also come to the realization that, as a result, I am always making excuses ... sometimes just to myself and, often, to others, craving their validation that I really am OK.

When I began RunClub, my daughter showed me an app called "Strava", where a person can record their walks, runs, and bike rides (it uses GPS to track your route), including split times and personal records you've set.  After a run or bike, if my time/kilometer wasn't what I had hoped, I would title the activity with an excuse -- For example, "Man was it windy today", "Just didn't have it!", or "High Alberta altitude". Why can't I just be proud of what I accomplished??

Last week, a few minutes after our morning workout started with Vicky, her cell phone rang. A fellow-exerciser and owner of a local farm, texted that he had "3 sick Mexicans" and wouldn't be at workout that morning. For him, it's an extremely legitimate reason to not be at workout, but I chuckled out loud because of my recent ah-haa moment about my own battle with excuses.

A reality-TV junkie, one of my favourite shows is The Biggest Loser. On last week's episode, one of the trainers told a contestant, "Tell your mind to get out of your body's way!" This really struck home with me since it is my mind that creates these convoluted excuses -- either as an escape mechanism to NOT complete a workout, or afterwards to justify a less-than-perfect performance.

Recently, when I celebrated my 56th birthday, my daughter, Esther, gave me a beautiful painting she created. Tears streamed down my face as I read the saying she chose to capture the essence of how she sees me.

If my precious daughter, Esther, believes this to be true of her mother, then her mother better start believing it herself!!

For several months now, I have been doing personal work with a counselor to begin chipping away at my negative core beliefs, and replacing them with positive core beliefs so I'm no longer making excuses or requiring external validation for my self-worth. It sure is a process though, but one I'm willing to continue working on.